i m feeling so darn upset with myself. breaking a promise that i made with syg.. it feels like shit. total shit. i mean, i always felt that way everytime i had to break a promise. but somehow or somewhat, this feel worse.

really, i cant stand hearing syg voice changed from being estatic to being dissapointed as i cant join him for the marina countdown.. the whole day i was looking forward to it. little did i expect my mom to choose to put me into a predicament of having me to make my own choice - to go or not to go.

frankly, the devil me will just say "GO! its your first new year that you will be celebrating with your darling". however the angel me have to say "Remember your mom. she will be worried sick of you. She is not ready to let you venture out to the scary world on my own. she is doing this for your sake." Damn.

it is never fair, life i mean. well realise that so long ago. sheesh.

of all the time. i was really looking forward to counting down with syg for the first time in my life. sad to say, for the past 18 years, never did i get to countdown with my friends. as always, i have been stuck at home. and here i thought i could change something about it.

maybe i could. just go i mean. but that will mean dissappointing my mom. so now what? if i dont hurt syg, i hurt my mom?

i hate it when people put me into this kind of predicament. making me choose the most difficult choice eventhough i had actually made my own choice. its like i have planned the whole thing, so eager about going, telling myself that no matter what happen, i would not change my mind. then with ease, a sudden change that caught me offguard made me look at the whole thing at a different perspective. then i will start hurting at least one person. damnation.

now i understand why people hate so much to make decision that they just go with the flow. understand understood.

really. even if i start ranting all my anger here on the blog, it wont be of use also. sheesh.

why in the world did i have a blog in the first place also?
oh. to just follow the crowd.

Figures.

oh well. at least i got my ecp trip tomorrow to look forward to. if that also my mom have to put me in a predicament, then i wont know what to say.

syg. i really love you no matter what happen.
love you truly, madly, deeply.

.aishah.

back from e appreaciation dinner n family gathering at ecp. hahax..

e appreciation dinner was ay-ok onli. nuthing too special.. well. wat can i say.. i guess its just too formal n there r like too many monkeys in e hotel for it to be formal. hahax. pple r shouting, cheering n jeering in e ballroom itself.. gosh..

i noe very well tt BE add will be much better than tt.. i shud tink so esp with e help of e few favourite girlfriend - ama n shiffa. i shud tink they will be able to foresee things tt i cant foresee

myself

aniwae.. syg pick me frm. ok. fine.. he nd to use my dad's car so he had to come over my hse. my family r so use to his presence tt they haf treated him as a family. e funny ting was tt he afraid to call my dad to ask for e car.. hehex.. freaking adorable..

well.. he came at abt 5pm.. supposedly to b at 4pm.. shud b expecting him to come late.. gosh.. well.. gave me ample of time to get ready.. went to the hairdresser near my house to set my hair.. n really.. i love e hairstyle.. i mean apart from the hardness of it, it look so freaking nice.. n really i wasnt expecting tt nice ah.. hahax..

mom bought for me this awesome yet simple dress at causeway pt.. so put together with my mom makeup skill of nude colour scheme n my oh-damn-freaking-nice-hairstyle, i haf to say, i look awesome.. putting e image together with a few accesories n a new black heel shoes, i hate to admit tis bt i feel damn sexy lah.. hehex..

i mean.. even my oh-so-sarcastic sister said i look awesome.. how can i not feel good of my dress up. i noe for sure tt i manage to attract syg attention..yep.. he look damn stun wen he saw me. hehex. my task haf been fulfilled. hahax.

syg look dashing himself.. well.. like of course.. but noe wat made my day then? syg really couldnt take off his eyes frm me n he nvr even look at other hotter chicks.. tt alone is enough to make my day..

well then.. syg drove my dad car to jurong to pick ama up.. e rest of e bec pple were there alrdy at e hotel.. really dunno y they come so early lah.. well, traffic was slow n we got lost trying to reach to jurong.. hahax.. we might b studyin at e west but we are still noobs in trying to figure out how to reach one place to another.. hahax..



conrad hotel was awesome by itself.. service was great. food was too little.. sheesh.. but filling for me.. took some pics with e pple.. nt too many though.. a pity i did not took pic with syg..

e dudette

e dude

girls look hot.. guys look dashing.. gosh..

well. went back to sch aft sending ama to jurong.. went to kellyn party.. kinda fun.. except tt i was in clothes tt is not really suitable for this event lah.. so yeah.. did not really dance then.. oh well.

nuthing happen after tt.. sing-songs... talk all night.. jokes.. it mayb simple.. but still memorable..

well.. slpt like at 7.. woke up at like 10.. disturb syg frm slping hehex.. how evil can i b right? hahax.. oh well..

and at freakin last. i noe hw to go back w/o getting lost.. hahax.. i mean.. wen i said i m noob wen it comes to e road in e west.. i really am.. i dun even noe how to go back if i were to drive myself.. tt is bad.. i noe. hahax. but well.. yst i managed to do it.. hahax..

wen back hm.. syg hang arnd at hm.. since my family goin to ecp n its like quite near to his hse.. he even promised to come down for my family picnic ah..

well.. talkin abt picnic.. really i tink its more like having a party at e void deck.. food was damn alot. we had various drinks.. foods.. pizza.. gosh.. cam-whoring in session of course.. wats more with e beautiful view there..

my sis n cuzz

my cute lil bro

my cuzz

e beauuuutiful scenery

syg came abt 9plus.. talk till his frens came.. ok.. fine.. i admit.. i fell asleep.. wat do u expect wen u slpt like only a few hours.. his frens came abt 2.30am.. ate some of the many food we had then they left to slack somewhere near syg hse..

e onli ting i regret is not renting a bike n swimmin in e sea.. gosh.. i was so darn prepared to do tt lah.. bt apparently my sis did not want to do them.. so yeah.. there i was.. left to cam-whore.. n talk to myself.. ok.. its not tt bad.. since i had to take care of my cute n so adorable brother, nieces n nephews.. hahax..

oh well.. sch is startin tmr.. n i haf not even started with my assignment.. oh freakin shit.. ok.. back to work now...

oh yeah..

to e t.a.d.a gang.. we shud like hang out.. tis coming weekend maybe if everyone is free.. it has been sometime since we last went out..

its because of u tt i m who i m

.aishah.

went shopping with my dearest syg yst. well, last min shopping for our appreciation dinner which is held on like this fri? spend e whole 10 hours getting tis few stuff: shirt, vest, pants & bag. gosh.

oh well.. i dun mind going out with him especially since there is doughnut, fries and coke. dortz.
he is going to kil me for this. hehex.

n really, yst was e only time i really get to enjoy myself.. well, apart from e matches i haf been playing with my old team mates.

i still remembered e first time when i first met him.. gosh was bold to just go up to him n talk to him..

i remembered all e first time we did. e first time we held hand. e first time we hug. e first time we kiss. e first time we fought. lol.

syg haf always create an impact to me. i guess he is e greatest gift i haf ever received throughtout my whole 18 years of life.

well, enough of e reminiscence.

so yeah.. now i m like tinkin of wat kind of hairstyle is suitable for my appreciation dinner this fri. 25bucks gone flying like tt coz i need to style my hair.. then i nd to gt e necessary accesories. like netted gloves.. choker.. glitter. ribbons.. i gt like tis whole image look in my head. dunno y i love e look so much.. hehex..

nuthing much to say of my dress.. it has alwys been e plain kind. i guess my accessories help me. i realize all tis while, my dresses for the past dinner haf always been plain.. as in, its not too eye-opening. not too revealing.. not too sexy. just simple ordinary dresses where i can literary use for other days. might even wear it to sch.. lol.

darling nures.. sorry to haf made u concern abt me.. dun worry so much ay.. i just noe hw to handle tis.

at time.. i just shoot wateva i m tinking.. n nvr really tink back wat i was talkin abt.. onli wen its too late did i realise my mistake. dang.. haf to control tis big mouth of mine.. haf been getting into trouble thx to tis mouth of mind. sheesh..

i guess my post is quite random today.. oh well.. i feel like being random then again.. so wateve..
n hell yeah.. m i going to enjoy tis last few days of holidays before sch resume again. darn sch man..


And I said Romeo,
take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting,
all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story,
baby, just say yes

.aishah.

oh dang.. i realise its close to one mth since i last update my blog.. sorry sorry..

holiday. yep. the festive season is here. which means SALES! dortz.

ok. nvm. just ignore the totally random fact that i just posted. i have nvr feel so stress up with club stuff before. even last year, when i had no body to help me on my task - learning all the stuff by myself. so why do i feel darn stress like now?

oh yeah. i noe why. thx to my oh-so-cant-be-bothered-president and the remaining half of the MCs, who left me alone together with shiffa n nabeel to slack of the work. smart ass.

i doubt anybody noes what i m really feeling right now. put on a disappearing act. go ahead. i will just clear up the bloody mess u haf put. y not u just dump all the shits to me n i will just settle them for u? wldn't tt be much better. at least u no nd to waste much of my precious time? wldn't tt be good?

then let me get all the blame. oh.. no problem. i can solve every bloody problem tt u guys dump on me.. its better tt way pulling up a disappearing act, leaving me to solve all the fucking shits tt u left behind.. smart MCs..

even e room. gosh. tt also u cant even clean? ended up a student from dmit n sb themselves help me clean. don't u ever felt embarrased by it?

sheesh.

the rant has not end yet...

my president.. seriously.. u will be e best president tt i haf ever known provided u just keep to ur words.. even e stuff tt nd to b settle i haf to settle for u.. wat the fuck with tt attitude? pple r calling me coz they cant get thru u.. so wat now? i m e new president? worst still, u wun even get frantic abt tis issue.. onli at the last minute will u realise the severeness of e prob..

well, it will be ok, if i dun get into e trouble. now my name is so severely blacklisted coz i haf been covering the fucking shits tt u n e others n left..

my gawd. holiday was planned to be the time i spend with syg.. my add.. my sec frends.. my close buddies.. but wat do i get ended up? more worries for e club...

u claimed tt i haf intefered too much to ur post.. then wen i totally let u be on ur own, u nvr even do ur stuff? wow.. just wow... u still came back asking more helps from me...

fuckin assholic.

i hate it. 2 wks of hols burn just for club.. each night i cried thinkin of all e probs.. did u even bother? nope.. u ask.. "are u ok?" like as if it will help much..

u share all ur problems to e ex-president. n u take in every solution he gave u.. for gawd sake. he is a graduate. GRADUATE. u shud b handling e prob n searchin for solution. y must u depend on him for help. wat e help are we fucking MCs here for?

u just shoot when u realise things haf went wrong. u nvr really cared wat others think. thx. i was one of the victim. u claim we nvr do work. u told others we nvr help u. r u really telin e truth? frankly, i tink its more like u r not helping urself to be independent.

u just wan tings to go nice n smooth. but u were nvr there to support.. that wasnt the president we were looking for. c'mon, u werent there to advise or something. u just said - "i want the event to be a good event. a memorable one for everyone to enjoy".. u r bothered by the masses bt nvr the person running for u..

u care for the sub-comm. bt haf u cared for our feeling? e one hu spend countless hours helping u run e club? did u even thx us? to u, e masses r right, n we r wrong.. want to noe something? i m fucking tired of this all..

i tink syg wld haf been bored with me complaining abt e stuff i haf to do. everynight there will always b new tings to talk abt, just on club.

my patience limit is runnin darn low now. its now or never. its time for me to b selfish.. i wan time for myself n not time running e club. i noe its cowardly of me to just quit at e last min. but yep. i m so going to do tt. enough is enough. now u run e show without my help. i should tink u haf more than enough help by now. go n complain to everyone u noe tt i totally quit e whole ting n nobody is helping u.. frankly, i cant b bothered oso.

oh.. dun worry.. add is my baby.. i will not let anyone else to take over my precious.. i spend mths on it.. m so not going to let it go. dun worry.. i will finish it with a bang.. but not for the club sake.. but for e advisor sake hu had actually help me alot during e plannin stage.. i make a promise.. n i m not going to break tt promise because of u..

fuck.. wat e hell m i ranting.. sheesh..

well, just an advise:Read tis post onli when u r bored.. n i really mean darn bored..

ooh..

n i love darlings n syg for listening to me thru my up n down.

xoxoxo
aishah

i m really nuts.. i cant believe i just ordered something online..
that is so totally not me..

hahax..

i hope the dress will be something that syg will say it look nice on me..
hehex..

at least.. i dont waste time going shopping.. now i can online shop..
okie.. not making sense..

to the season with joyous..

test down..
exam to go..


prozac.. yep.. i need it..


.aishah.